Sunday, March 22, 2009


A man cannot survive on hot dogs alone. Sometimes even a wizard as well-traveled as myself needs to eat other foods, other foods like hamburgers. Good buddy and comedian extraordinaire Chris "Maddoo" Maddock let me in on a little local secret called Flameburger. Let's just say there are a lot of things I've learned in my life a lot less valuable than that little nugget of information.

Flameburger is a family owned diner in Columbia Heights that first opened its doors to the grease deprived in 1955. It boasts ridiculous eats like the two pound double mega burger, a local legend. The atmosphere in the diner is straight country, pictures of mallard ducks adorn the walls, and there is very likely a small time criminal and or used car salesmen selling a load of bullshit to whoever happens to sit across the counter from him.

After watching Maddoo's Death Comedy Jam at Grumpys, we decided to close the night on a greasy note and run the gauntlet of Central Avenue to Flameburger. The place was pretty quiet at 2 in the morning on a Wednesday night, except for the small time criminal and or used car salesmen who sat across from us. He had a little buddy with him that looked like he was still wearing his Perkins manager smock and name tag. They talked some serious business in hushed tones, while Chris and I mercilessly laughed at their gold chains.

Back to the food. The grub at Flameburger is made to order in front of you on a huge griddle. I opted for the four ounce California Flameburger with bacon and cheese and a side of fries. The four ounce is the smallest size they make, but it was easily as big as any burger I've tangled with in recent years.

I cannot begin to describe how delicious these burgers were. I have to admit, I've been on a Kale and Kombucha cleanse since eating there, but it was well worth it. Maddoo and I didn't speak for 15 straight minutes while were stuffing our pie-holes full of Flameburger.

Word to the wise, I received a hot tip that Flameburger is a place that cops keep there eyes on in the wee hours, so mind your p's and q's and don't drink and drive.

Friday, March 13, 2009

One Hungry Gringo

Hola mi amigos. What we have here is an all-beef Hebrew National frank, fried in a corn tortilla with cojito cheese, jalapeno, diced onion, and copious amounts of fresh cilantro. Add a little refried black beans on top, and fresh guacamole on the side and you have a real fiesta.

The pictures don't do these dogs justice, but they were delicious. I wish I would have had a cold Pacifico to wash it all down, and a beautiful sun-kissed chica on my arm, but tapwater and a gay pit bull will do in a pinch.

This feast was inspired by Jake's pics from his trip to Sturgis. Olay!