This is a re-post from Superbeast, but I thought it probably made more sense here at B & H. Carry on.
Instead of sitting around in my underwear waiting for emails, I decided to get the hell out of dodge and head down to Cozumel for a little relaxation. My friend Cha Cha and her Mom have a real, real nice place on the island with all the luxuries you would hope for as a wonderbread gringo.
Some things were a little differenter though. Here's what to expect if you head that way:
1. Don't flush your toilet paper. You have to throw it in a little waste basket. I couldn't relieve myself for two straight days because of this. Totally gross.
2. There is a brand of motorcycle that a lot of people ride in Cozumel. It's called an Enticer. It's also my new band name.
3. I almost died by way of sea urchin. Thanks for the head's up Cha Cha!
4. I might as well brush my teeth with onion and cilantro now.
5. Beware of this hustle: "I need money to help pay for my Alcoholics Anonymous anniversary cake." It is commonly used.
6. Go to any beach bar for a "Sunset Party," that's where all the white women at.
7. I drank things like "Carribean Vibes" and a "Happy Iguana." They are overrated and expensive. Stick to ice cold beer in a bottle.
8. There is never a crappy day in Cozumel. It's always awesome weather, or super awesome weather. I hear this changes during hurricane season, but I'm not buying it.
9. Despite all the news in the states about violent rampages by the infamous drug cartels, I was obnoxious the whole time I was there and nobody cut my head off and stuffed me in a trunk of a VW bug. The locals in Cozumel are all super friendly.
10. I'm convinced the mirrors in my house stateside are "skinny" mirrors, because I'm one fat sonofabitch in Mexico.
Here is a photo essay of my vacation:
Empenadas. Hand patted masa with frijoles, queso and beef.
Tacos from El Pique. Cha claims this is the best joint on the island. I wasn't arguing. Looks like we have a little beef, al pastor, and chuletas fresca. All with cheese.
This is the tropical fish in a mustard sauce. Cha Cha's island favorite from La Choza.
Chicken mole from La Choza.
Shrimp ceviche from La Choza.
An authentic tortilla soup for starters.
Carnitas for breakfast. I could eat this stuff all day long.
More Chuletes Fresca. Thinly sliced pork chops marinated in salt and pepper and fried on the flat top and chopped up. With onion, cilanto and a bit of manchego cheese. My favorite of the trip. They even give you the bone to nibble off of.
Panuchos. Shredded roasted chicken over a masa tortilla filled with refried black beans and topped with cabbage and jalopeno. Delicious!
Fresh fish platter from Chen Rio.
Some hot dogs and sausages at the super huge supermarket.
Al Pastor pizza. Yeah you heard that right. It was amazing. Very heavy duty. I had one slice.
Al Pastor tacos.
More Chuletas Fresca. I love this stuff!
The trip was amazing, and cheap! I spent a grand total of about $500 American dollars and that included my flight. It helps that I have friends that basically run Cozumel, but a savvy traveler should be able to get by pretty inexpensively. If you really want to be an "Ultimate Vacation Dude" you won't be able to survive on the pittance I spent. Shit, Tommy Bahama gear is expensive, and Sombreros aren't as cheap as one might think.
Oh, I almost forgot. My favorite tourist shirt I saw was "I might be shy, but I have a big dick."