Wednesday, December 30, 2009

What's with all this Vampire shit?

I saw a t-shirt the other day, Team Jacob. Thought it was pretty funny since my buddy Jacob (geetar for Moonlight Towers and burgeoning author...) should actually have a team that favors him. So I went to buy one and what the fuck, they are all in girlie size. He's not particularly a lard ass but he's no lady boy either so we obviously had a fit issue.

My sweet old lady kindly pointed out I was a dipshit and that Team Jacob was from Twilight. A movie *slash* phenomenon about teeny bopper vampires made for prepubescent girls and fat aging nerds. I had heard of said flick but promptly ignored it as much as possible. All I really knew was there was some clown millimeters away from having a unibrow and some chick who was high as a kite all the time who may or may not be vampires. I did not know about this Team Jacob and shirts for his undersized minions.

I've since seen commercials for another teenage vampire show, probably on the CW or some shit, and a few episodes of True Blood that has possibly the worst acting this side of Dexter. Must be all the tits keeping losers tuned in because all this new interest in vampires isn't that interesting. Where was all the fervor when Catherine Denuve was sucking face and blood with Susan Sarandon and Bowie back in 1983? That there's some compelling undead shit.

You must be thinking what the French does this have to do with hot dogs? Well dear readers buddy KJ and I were looking for a new eatin hole recently and we came across a spot called Drakula. No shit Chet. DRAKULA. Sounds phony baloney eh? Well it's for real and It was weird and it was empty except for one table with real life Romanians that seemed a little like gangsters. Maybe it was authentic Romanian decor but it felt a lot like walking into a cafeteria at an old folks home um... with gangsters in the corner. It has about as much to do with Vampires as I expect Twilight does. It does have a lot to do with traditional Romanian eats however. One of those eats happens to be dry bean stew with sausage which has a pretty unappetizing name but it was damn tasty.

Moral of the story is more beans and sausage, less teenage vampires!


Casey Brewer said...

What a timely fuckin' post sir. Just today I took a drive out through the Olympic Peninsula for a little hiking and sightseeing. I happened upon a small town called Forks which is right on the Northwest coast of the Pacific. Low and behold, the town is supposedly where that nerd-ass Twilight shit takes place. Every roadside motel was offering "Twilight Rooms" and every store and restaurant had a Twilight theme. It was about 7 pm on a Saturday night and the little shit-hole of a two-bit town was fast asleep, so I didn't spy any Vampire nerds.

It was kind of freaky driving 4 hours through the Olympic National Park in the darkness and fog after making this revelation.

Good thing I had my old-ass pit bull to fart the fear into some V-pires.

Jake Lancaster said...

I love Catherin Deneuve.

Anonymous said...

Harsh - I think I was with you for this stupid Drakula meal and yet I don't even muster "buddy" status or even a mention. YOU'VE CHANGED GEOFF!!!!!